When you give a pug a grape...

she will beg for turkey.

I am Sparks.

Today I wore my Sparks basketball t-shirt while I taught a killer conditioning episode. Though I had previously thought that the sequence of exercises which I had planned were too easy, I knew I was wrong when my aerobics teacher exclaimed, "I give up!", about 3/4 of the way through it.

Then, someone threw something at me. It hit my leg. I thought it was paper, but when I looked down, I saw a small crag of mortar. Who would be so mean? But then, I looked up and saw a hole in the ceiling. The sky was falling. And I didn't feel hated anymore.

Handicap Accessible

So, there is this helpful button that one can push when exiting the bathroom. This button magically opens the amazingly heavy metal door, so that the "handicapped" can exit with ease. Someone, between 5 am and 8am, broke the magic button. It now lays hopelessly on the bathroom floor. This afternoon, the spring also exited its casing. The whole hall mourns the loss of this nifty device.

Now, as I struggle to carry on, I only hope that someone is always there to leave the bathroom in front of me, so that I do not have to injure myself by straining to open the door and remain in the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.

Resident Life Maintenance is my only prayer.

My roommate kills people as a hobby

So, there is this game called Assassins. My hall is playing it and the game has had some interesting ramifications. This is how it is played: each person is assigned a "target" who they must kill. No one from the hall can see you do it and you cannot kill them in their own room. You must touch them on their back with a spoon and say "I killed you." Hence, the way to survive is to constantly be in the company of someone on the hall.

That said, I have acquired two shadows that accompany me while I use the toilet, take a shower, or travel anywhere really. It's like I have two little pets... except they are skilled assassins who have succeeded to be 2 of the last 4 still in the game. There will soon come a day when my two shadows hunt each other. This is the day I fear.